???

I listen to him, I listen to her

I listen to all the things that you people have to say.

I listen, listen and just listen each and everyday

But will you people ever understand

how deep it hurts to see all of us like this

how deep it cuts to see us falling apart

and how I struggle not to feel a thing. 

No , i can't be normal because things aren't the way they used to be

No, i can't keep calm because it's getting worse everyday

How will i make this stop? Will listening to all these stop what is happening?

Will everything ever get back to normal? Please, please tell me because I can't fight it anymore.
so with all the dying hopes and  the bitter reality, 

 I slam the door and walk away!

"the heart can feel things no one can"

Another day wasted

What a waste of a day

What a waste of time, i realize yet i feel like a wingless butterfly

I sit here in my bed staring straight at the ceiling so red 

not a slightest of idea of what to do next!

I stare at the blue sky turning grey.

and think of how the clouds just got mixed in the way.

I don't know what is that that's been missing 

and understand less the feeling that is controlling me

 may be it is time for me to find a new hope as i have lost it all, i know 

I need something to BELIEVE in again.

words failed !!!

I know you not but I know you true 

The feeling ran deeply through
The kiss that killed when
the thrill was brought in blend

then the expectations,

the face of  the reality,

the bitter truth
the disappointment 

yet, the uncertainty.

I go to bed thinking about you.

Thinking about what you said,
thinking about what we shared

what we were.

No tears, No pain, only US.

Now I no longer know where I stand.

Should I risk my heart for something uncertain?

but the question is, what was it then that made it certain?

I can't bring myself to say more, 

and can't find the strength to ask you once more.

Disappointed by how words tremendously failed to convey what the depth of me just knew.

I decide to be silent!

I know things can't be the turned around

 Because I don't want to be wrapped up in the whispers of my understanding.

 Wedged in the drought, and waiting for rain.

 Caught in the lies, and believing the pain. 

A mixture of distrust; Forgiven?? or Confused??

Why do I choose to get drenched in the darkest rain, 

just to keep him from the burning pain? 

I decide to be silent And quietly gather the lies spoken.

then I close my eyes

Another week has gone by, I sit here wondering all the if's and why's. I stand up, tired of watching the rain fall; tired of watching everything fall because I still can't fathom the inevitable  you. ; tired of my own thoughts. Stuck in the same place not knowing whether I will  stand or whether I will  fall. In certain moments, when silence speaks I see, wonder then realize, I need to change, to be in tune with realities which often make no sense at all. I glance out the window one last time and then I close my eyes…..

My Favourite Poem

                                    A Psalm of Life    - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
 
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sand of time;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

 

not Anger; Something else!

I am waiting; few hours more, I am still waiting I flip through channels, I flip through pages of the magazine, I finish a whole 840 pages novel, replay the tracks from my playlist over and over again, I eat,I roam around, I fall asleep waiting and suddenly wake up and what am I still doing? "Waiting" I wait till the day turns night and night turns to day.  I wait as life passes me by. And after all this you leave without saying

GOODBYE?????

                                                                .

                                                                .

My wait turned into anger and anger into a drop of silent tear ; a text message saying SORRY  has no effect on me any longer.
PS  I don't ask questions, I don't ask for clarifications but sure I do think about it. That's the
way it is ,for you to be true to me.